Lesson learned… move forward

He who doesn’t talk, God can’t hear, maybe I was whispering…?? don’t know… but it sure was a humbling experience.

August 17 will be six months now since I arrived in Mexico and all I can say It has been quite a journey (in a positive way). If I was to look back and see myself walking across the border with all my fellow inmates, all I had at the time was $120 in savings and $65 dollars to my name, in the form of a money order, that money order was going to be used as payment for my last probation visit…  I held to that money order like nothing else, during my time in detention I think I was transferred to 4 detention centers, but I put that money order in one of my hidden pockets in my jacket. That really saved my day when I finally arrived in Mexico, I was able to cash it, buy my bus ticket home, get a decent meal, I went to the local convenience store bought a pack of cigarettes and phone charger. I will always remember that. As soon as I got to Mexico, I called my sister, my friends, my roommate, and my parents, I still couldn’t believe I was in Mexico, I was disoriented, emotional, scared, and most of all I was feeling lost (literally and figuratively) 

The outpouring of encouragement and support was overwhelming, I on the other hand, as time passed I kept turning down help, everything was happening too fast, I had so many things on my mind, I was too distraught, until I read an article that said “If anybody offers to help, accept it… you will be doing them a favor, you will be making them feel good..” This prompted me to finally let my guard down and accept a friends help, I said here’s my information, If you really want to help you can send whatever pleases you to this bank account, That was the first time I had ever accepted help, and so days passed, never received anything, that sure was “embarrassing”, I finally confided her and said “that was hurtful, I never asked anyone for help, but since you offer and I accepted it, It sure was a let down” so Its all about moving forward. 

As the months went by and I was packing and getting ready to move to Guadalajara, I finally decided to accept help from other friends, I said “I know you been wanting to help, I’m moving to Guadalajara, here’s my information, take this as an FYI, but sure don’t feel obligated” I sent that to several of my closest friends, I said to myself “He who doesn’t talk, God can’t hear” so I let my guard down and decided to accept their help. Never got a response from anyone. It’s all about moving forward. 

Once I arrived in Guadalajara I was met with several set backs, applying to my first job here in Mexico was met with obstacles, I was needing letter of recommendations, so I made the decision to contact a previous co-worker from the States who was now living here in Puerto Vallarta,  I said “I need a letter of recommendation and I’d really appreciate if you could help with that” He said “sure..! just write the letter and I’ll sign it and I will send it to the person in Human Resources” I immediately wrote a very professional letter, I send it to him, days went by, when I heard from my Human Resources office, asking for the letter of recommendation, It was at that time I knew he had not send the letter. It was very disappointing, I finally had to go with the Department of Immigration, I spoke to one of the ladies from the department of “repatriados” I said, “I’m new in the Country, and I literally don’t know anyone, I need a letter of recommendation, could you please help” she immediately sent the letter to the Human Resources department, but I was about this close to be dismissed from my first job in Mexico, and all because of one letter. 

During these past few months I had made myself strong and I had endured hardships similar to the ones I had in the States, only this time… here in Mexico, I had no one to turn to, there have been humbling, sobering, and down right humiliating days here in Mexico, There were times when I had to miss work, because I literally had no money for the bus, There are times where I had literally been down on my knees looking for coins or any change that I might find to go to the store and at least buy a pack of cookies, and of course there are those days where because of my depression… just getting out of bed just hurts; why get up if there is nothing in the fridge to eat. Ever since I arrived here in Guadalajara, I have gotten by with one meal a day… but that one meal a day keeps me full for the entire day. 

It wasn’t until I told my sister what I was going through that she was able to send some money for me to get my financial situation going. It was a much needed help. Up until this day I have not received any monetary help from anyone else and I can truly say I’m finally seeing the light… and I did it all on my own. Although it pains me that none of the help that was offered never really materialized, I do understand that It is no one responsibility, who knows what goes on through other people’s minds. I am glad, things happened for a reason…. I have learned my lesson.. and I hope that one day I can look back and say… “I did it all on my own…!”

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